We hear of the importance of speaking our truth and using our voices all the time and I agree. I am learning though that there is a big difference between speaking our truth, which comes from our highest selves, to spewing words that come from our ego or wounded inner child. People can use speaking their truth as an excuse to say whatever is on their minds when they’re in a place of high emotionality. The truth is our minds aren’t always accurate or in alignment with our highest selves. Our minds create stories. I learned this lesson the hard way recently.
I’m personally working on expressing my anger in a healthy manner rather than suppressing it like I have done for years. Recently in a moment of intense emotions, instead of taking a step back to observe those emotions, I spoke what I was feeling and thinking. My mind told me “You need to speak your truth.” and “I’m allowed to express my anger.” After I did some work to release my anger (screaming into a pillow and beating my bed with a foam roller- how’s that for a visual), I sat and got connected to my truth.
I don’t want to be that person to project anger and aggression onto others. In that moment of high emotionality I did hold back some, but not all of my anger. I realized that my anger was not coming from my highest self and therefore those words were not my truth. That anger was initially coming from my ego and then after more words were exchanged that anger came from my wounded inner child. Initially my ego was mad that someone was questioning my integrity, or at least that’s how my ego took the question. Then my inner child went into protection mode.
When I check in with my highest self, there is love and compassion for this person, no anger. There’s a quote from Deepak Chopra that hit home for me big time.
“Our deepest level of emotions is connected to our spiritual essence as love, but when we are emotionally hurt or offended by someone, that is the part of our emotional nature more associated with our ego. Our true self is never hurt or offended, it knows its own value and can never feel diminished by the words, beliefs or actions of another person toward it. The more our emotional self is allied to our true self, the more we are able to respond to hurtful behaviour with love, compassion and understanding.”
When I feel triggered I know this just means that’s a part of me that still needs to be healed.
So I take responsibility for my own actions and I apologize for my anger and do the work to heal that part of me. For myself, I have truly struggled with connecting to my inner child. I know when she is triggered that she acts out. Really what she wants is that connection, that love, acceptance and support from my adult woman. I’m learning all of this from Samantha Skelly in the Hungry For Happiness Certification to become an Intuitive Eating and Body Freedom Coach. It’s uncomfortable AF sometimes, having that increased level of awareness and consciousness and then taking responsibility. This is where the growth happens though.
We can’t change other people or control them. We can however change ourselves and do our own work so that we don’t feel triggered by others words, actions or behaviours. What does this have to do with binge or emotional eating? This is the shit where I would have numbed myself from in the past and been completely disconnected and wouldn’t have received this lesson. It’s never about the food friends, and this is why we go within to heal our relationship with food and our body.
So the next time you think you’re speaking your truth, get connected to your highest self and check in. Is it coming from your highest self, or is it coming from your ego, or maybe your inner child? Don’t use speaking your truth as an excuse to release your emotionality onto others. And if you do, have compassion for yourself and learn from it.
Sam recently shared a video in our coaching Facebook group after I received this lesson and it hit home. It’s well worth the 80 minutes. He talks about connecting to our inner child, as well as responding to others with love.