People Pleasing Is Not A Faulty Personality Trait
Sometimes people pleasing is shamed, which actually doesn’t serve in helping change the behaviour. There are deep layers to work through to actually shift the behaviour. People pleasing is not a faulty personality trait. It’s a nervous system response to trauma and it’s intention is to keep you safe.
We need to regulate the nervous system, so that the person can feel safe enough to choose their needs first rather than prioritizing keeping the peace. So that they feel safe enough to communicate what is true to them.
We need to build capacity within the system to hold the activation of anger. When we get in touch with our clean anger as a core emotion, we have valuable information as to where boundaries need to be set.
As we build capacity we also expand our ability to sit with discomfort, which allows us to be with the other persons response to our boundaries and truth. So often we people please in fear of the others response.
We need to connect to the inner child part of us and differentiate, so that we’re not identified, and access our adult self to reparent this part of ourself. The inner child part of us, is the part of us who people pleases.
We need to look at the beliefs and stories that have been inherited or created along the way. We can create a new narrative that feels true in the body to support in changing the behaviour.
People pleasing is not a faulty personality trait.