By now I’m sure you understand that food isn’t your problem and that the root cause of binge eating runs much deeper. When you do the inner healing work like looking at your belief systems that are creating distorted thoughts that keep triggering you, inner child work, mindfulness to increase your awareness, and practices to get you back in touch with trusting your body and intuition, you can’t not look at all the other areas of your life. Relationships are a big area of our lives and are definitely affected by our internal environment. We may end up stuck in toxic relationships because we struggle with codependency. We may feel triggered by some of our relationships because someone keeps saying or doing something that doesn’t align with us, yet we don’t set a boundary with them. We may struggle to even build deep meaningful relationships because we are so focused on food and working out that we have not developed other thoughts on life.
When I was deep in my struggle with food and my body I had a lot of relationship issues as well. First of all, I lost all my friends because of not wanting to go out. Then I moved a few times and had a hard time making new friends because of how self-conscious I was about myself. I got invited out but often turned down the invitations as I wanted to avoid eating “bad” food and get to bed early so I could get up early and work out. I felt lonely all the time. Lonely, weird and like something was deeply wrong with me.
I remember working at a grocery store in high school and I was so painfully shy that I ate my lunch in the bathroom to avoid going into the lunch room. I hid in the far stall, eating my sandwich in silence and then cut my break short so that people wouldn’t notice I was hanging out in the bathroom. I’d get so anxious at the thought of having to make small talk with someone I didn’t know. It freaked me the eff out!
I also avoided dating for a long time because of how I felt about my body. I mean, I did not want anyone seeing me naked and I knew that would be an expectation. This was until I ended up in a toxic relationship with someone who was really pushy. Again had I not been struggling with my relationship with food and done the inner work, I would have listened to my intuition right away, set boundaries and realized quickly that it wasn’t in alignment. Instead I stayed in that toxic, codependent relationship for 5 years.
Oh and family definitely has had it’s moments too and there was a time I didn’t speak to some of my close family members for 2 years. The problem again was with my inability to set boundaries and speak my truth. Relationships can’t thrive or blossom when you don’t speak your truth and instead hold everything in. It ends up building up over time and what happens is you keep turning to food to cope with your unhappiness, anxiety and frustration.
In today’s post I’m sharing 5 Ways Healing Your Relationship With Food Can Improve Your Relationships With People. This post refers mostly to romantic relationships but you can still relate it to the relationships you have with friends, family and even co-workers.
You stop relying on others to bring you happiness.
When you’ve done the inner work required to heal your relationship with food, you realize that you and only you are in control of your happiness. You understand the power of your own thoughts and how they can create emotions in you. You get that you can choose how to respond to situations and that you are capable of changing your perspective. This doesn’t mean you let people control you or walk all over you, on the contrary. You know what your values are and you protect your own energy. You don’t look for someone to complete you because you know that you are already whole, complete and worthy of your own love.
You learn to say no and set boundaries.
“Loving someone else should never require abandoning ourselves in the process. Love is where we go to become more of who we are, not less.” ~Mark Groves
You understand that true self-care is so important for your own mental health and that you cannot control anyone else, nor should you. You stop sacrificing yourself to please others and stand in your truth for your own needs. You start to use your voice and speak you truth unapologetically. You say no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes. You also change your mind when you feel like it because you never know how you’ll feel in a week and your self-care and staying in alignment is number 1.
You feel comfortable in your skin and are able to connect on a deeper level.
When you’ve done the work and start to accept your body and then actually feel at home in your skin, it allows you to get out of your head and into your body. This gives you the ability to connect on a deeper level with others. Instead of surface conversations, where you’re stuck up in your head wondering what the person thinks about you or thinking about your own body, you can dive soul deep into the real stuff. The vulnerable raw stuff that builds deep connections.
You realize conscious relationships will help you continue to grow and seek this in your relationships.
Once you’ve experienced the shift inside you as you increase your consciousness with mindfulness practices, it’s hard not to look at your relationships too. You stop wanting to settle for okay, routine and surface. You desire to create a conscious relationship in which you and your partner check in with each and actually talk about all the important things in your life, like values, goals, dreams, passions, intimacy and more. Instead of spending your time together on the couch, zoning out in front of the t.v. you start to spend more time talking, trying new things and growing together. You’re honest with each other about how you’re feeling even if you worry it will hurt the other person and stop setting expectations. You look at your imperfections as opportunities to learn and grow
You no longer fall into the victim mindset and take responsibility for your own areas of growth.
“Don’t go through it. Grow through it.”
You understand that you play a part in the dynamic and look at the things that trigger you about your partner as a reflection of yourself. You look at conflict as an opportunity for growth, whether it’s about speaking your truth about how something makes you feel, or working on updating a belief system that no longer serves you. You also learn to get comfortable in the discomfort and allow yourself to feel and process those uncomfortable emotions. When you come together you understand that being so intimately involved with someone else will bring up your own shit and that’s okay and actually part of the purpose of entering relationships with a growth mindset.
The journey of healing your relationship with food and your body is a personal development and spiritual growth path. It’s about the inner transformation and will lead to a life you didn’t even know was possible of living. When you heal your relationship with food it will also improve your relationships with people.