Self-love is a hot topic these days and for good reason! The problem is, I’m noticing some confusion over what self-love really is. I recently had someone contact me asking me if I was interested in joining their self love challenge. This person went on to explain that the self-love challenge included workouts, a super flexible meal plan with portion control containers, superfoods meal replacement shake, as well as support and accountability. This actually kind of irritated me at first.
If you don’t get why, let me explain. Before I start though, I understand that people don’t know what they don’t know and I am trying to bring awareness with this blog not attack the person who messaged me. I keep seeing people masking diet-culture with self-love. I keep seeing people masking external fixes with self-love. Workouts and a meal plan sound very similar to diets and control to me. Real self-love is a lot deeper than the external. When we do the real inner work required to love all parts of ourselves we won’t need to follow external programs, plans or challenges. Nourishing our bodies intuitively becomes easy. Moving our bodies intuitively becomes easy.
I want ease and freedom in my life, which involves listening to my own body and not anyone else’s thoughts on how I should eat, exercise or live my life.
This also means not always listening to my own thoughts because those aren’t always true either. Real self-love involves connecting to your body and learning to hear your intuition again. It involves learning how to feel all your emotions so you can stop using food to numb. It’s about learning to express anger in a healthy, productive manner. It’s about doing inner child work so you can give your inner child what she needs, because when she doesn’t get what she needs she will sabotage you. Self-love is about learning how to receive, set boundaries, use your voice and stop people pleasing.
It’s about taking full responsibility for your life and challenging situations, so that you can grow through them. Self-love is about looking at the beliefs that no longer serve you and deciding to no longer let them dictate your life. Our beliefs create our thoughts, our thoughts create our feelings, our feelings create our actions and our actions create our results. Self-love does not include willpower or control to change our results. It includes getting to the root of those results, which is our belief systems that are often created in childhood and can continue to trigger us.
Real self-love includes forgiveness. Forgiveness for those who have hurt us and forgiveness for ourselves for not showing up the way we wanted to or continuing to find ourselves stuck in a pattern. We’re human and sometimes it takes us multiple times before we get the lesson. Holding onto grudges towards others keeps our energy vibrating at low levels, while forgiveness can give us freedom. Self-love includes self-expression, play and creativity. When is the last time you acted silly and did something just for the fun of it?
Self-love includes being really honest with yourself about your own shit.
It involves looking at your darkness, pain and ego too. My perspective has changed even more when it comes to self-love, now that I’m 2 months into the Hungry For Happiness Certification. There’s so much more to us than our physical bodies, so there’s so much more to learn to love than our physical bodies. Self-love is more than exercise and nutrition. It’s also so much more than saying affirmations about loving yourself. Those things come easy when we do the real inner work. I’d love to know, do you struggle with self-love?