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richelle_ludwig

I help women who feel unworthy change their relationship with food & body.
Somatic Coaching
Parts Work
Weight Neutral
Trauma Informed
🌌She/Her

And by be, I mean we have the capacity to remain p

And by be, I mean we have the capacity to remain present. We don't become engulfed or disconnected. There can often be grief that arises from something in us that finally feels seen or held.

It's all welcome. None of it is wrong or bad.

But what I find happens, when something truly feels seen, is a softening. An experience of comfort. Because the tension created from avoiding or fighting can make it worse.

We can then take the time to also really feel the authentic comfort, that also resides in our body. Reminding our body and brain of the other states it gets to exist in.

The spiral journey of healing is interesting to lo

The spiral journey of healing is interesting to look back on, to remember how far you've come. It's not linear and there is no there to get too.

Swipe. ⬆️

Of course, we will think we're lacking something.

Of course, we will think we're lacking something. Dear one, you are anything but broken. And it's in holding and accepting the parts of you that you think are broken, where you begin to feel that innate wholeness.

Pause.

Hand on heart.

Acknowledge the part of you that feels broken.

Feel the emotions that come up with the sense of not enoughness or wrongness.

Let it wash over you.

Hold this younger part of you with tender compassion.

Keep it company.

Notice the part of you holding the wounded one.

Feel her/their strength.

Notice the greater universal support.

You're not alone.

Our protector's roles are to manage our experience

Our protector's roles are to manage our experience so that we don't have to feel emotional pain. The thing is, sometimes they create different feelings in the process of trying to 'protect' us from our core emotions. Our protectors developed strategies to help us cope with big internal experiences, we didn't have support with or know how to be with. The thing is, those strategies often create other issues.

For example, we may have learned that if we get loud and aggressive, projecting our anger outwards, it protects us from feeling our grief. So in this case, we might think we feel our emotions, and while that's partially true, there are only certain emotions we're feeling. And in a parts work perspective, we're actually becoming blended with the anger, which prevents us from getting into relationship with it.

Another example would be feeling shame. In Hilary Jacobs Hendel's book, It's Not Always Depression, she shares how shame is one of the inhibitory emotions. Sometimes the core emotions that shame is pushing down, are anger and disgust. When we're younger it might not feel safe to express anger or disgust because our survival depends on attachment to our caregivers. We might then learn to adapt by turning those emotions inwards as an inner critic, which leads to shame.

I was taught that shame is part of a hypoaroused state. Anxiety on the other hand is part of a hyperaroused state, and is another one of the inhibitory emotions. We can be feeling a lot when experiencing anxiety, yet not touching on the core emotion. To feel our emotions, and to get into relationship with them, we need to be within our capacity. In this space we have capacity to remain present with the experience.

It's often the behaviours that our protectors turn towards, which we end up trying to change through willpower. Sustainable and lasting change doesn't come from power over dynamics but power with dynamics as we get into relationship with our protectors. Through this process, we can begin to feel our core emotions.

I'm talking about parts work in RETURN. New offering coming soon.

Returning to ourselves is multi-layered and as uni

Returning to ourselves is multi-layered and as unique as the individual, but also doesn't happen in isolation. Part of my journey has been learning how to complete the stress response cycle. Yesterday I experienced a trigger and suppressed it to stay in connection and conversation. Something I've learned is that movement is a great tool to help us mobilize thwarted stress responses.

As I was moving this morning, the energy of that thwarted activation began to rise again. Tears began to meld with sweat. I paused and sat down, turning my attention inwards towards the sensations, suspending the narrative. There she was. A younger, wounded part of me who felt invalidated and unseen. Placing a hand on my heart, I validated her and acknowledged her experience.

I didn't tell her she'd be okay or that everything was fine. I didn't tell her she was safe. I didn't bypass her experience to see what my higher self would do. I didn't tell her everything was happening in perfect timing. I didn't tell her that her low frequency was creating this. No, I held her in that experience. I didn't turn away, but honoured her truth. Her pain.

As I slowed things down and felt the searing weight in my chest, an impulse to scream arose. Because I was alone and it felt safe to follow that impulse, I screamed into a pillow. Honouring this younger parts healthy anger too. I felt that searing weight in my chest soften and lighten. I moved into some restorative positions and completed the stress response I'd previously thwarted.

And something really clicked in my body today around how my clean anger supports my boundaries. It was a remembering, after being in more numbness lately. This fire in my belly is a remembering. A remembering of my inner power and my ability to protect these younger parts of myself.

This is integration. So much of the white washed spirituality that bypasses our developmental needs ends up reinforcing unhealthy patterns like enmeshment, codependency, fawning, etc. For those who struggle with this, clean anger is your ally to those younger parts of yourself. It's a process learning how to hold that anger, without it becoming aggression.
Continued below ⬇️⬇️⬇️

It sounds like a sexual innuendo but it's not! 😂

I was watching a YouTube video called, How To Spot A Cult with Jamie Whealer. He mentions this concept of golden shadows that comes from jungian psychologist, Robert Johnson. He shared that there's not just our shadowy shadows, where the dark stuff we disown and can't fess up to lives. But, we also have a golden shadow and this where we might see our disowned light which can sound like, "I can't be that great but this person can." Wheal shared how charismatic guru's will light people up and then people will puke their golden shadow onto the human (which apparently is a reflex of tribal primates) who connects the circuit and lights us up.

I have done this. I have experienced this. I have been at events and got caught up in the hype. I have felt like I needed to work with the person and signed up for their program. A number of years ago I was at an event in Calgary with a company I won't name. I signed up for a business program where calls happened on weekday mornings. I decided to use all my vacation time so that I could make the calls. Near the beginning there was a family emergency with my partner's family that led to me needing to use vacation time to support him.

The company couldn't help me with ending my payments even though I could no longer attend calls, and there were no replays. I ended up having to finish paying another 10 months for a program I couldn't attend, and wasn't supportive anyways. Needless to say, I've become more discerning over the years. Have I made more mistakes, yes but I keep learning. I'm better at not placing people on pedestals. I've let myself also use critical thinking rather than just going off the emotional experiences they create.

How do we prevent ourselves from puking our Golding shadows onto others? We own our golden shadow. As Wheal says in the video, "we need to accept that gold too." There's a difference in owning that authentically, and then moving into a place of narcissistic tendencies and pedestaling ourselves. Of moving into a, place of not also accepting the shadowy shadow.
Continued below ⬇️⬇️⬇️

It's not different! They're both rooted in giving

It's not different! They're both rooted in giving away your power to someone else. There's so much misinformation out there. There are so many people teaching from a place of "this worked for me, so it will work for you too." Things gain momentum and become popular. I'm speaking from a place of also doing this in the past.

I've become more curious over the past few years. I always want to know how something works. I want to explore the why's and how it might interact with where I'm at currently and as an individual with a unique history. I look for either science or a deeper understanding of the mystical. Not the surface level, white washed, culturally appropriated versions. But a depth that can also hold the understanding of how it applies, while also being trauma and social justice informed.

Earlier this year I took a course on Traumatic Stress and the Breath with Jane Clapp and Jennifer Snowden. I wrote a blog post sharing some (not giving the whole course away 😉) of what I learned. It reinforced my understanding of how meditation isn't always appropriate either, depending on where you're at. Link in bio @richelle_ludwig if you'd like to read it. It's called, Is Your Breathwork Practice Actually Helping You.

I've been sitting in a lot unknown for awhile.
Som

I've been sitting in a lot unknown for awhile.
Sometimes it makes me anxious as f*ck.
Other times I go into avoidance and distraction.
And sometimes...
Sometimes I'm able to remember that I don't need the answers in that very moment.
That I can soften into surrender, trusting that I will know when the time comes.
That over thinking it, isn't helping me.
That daily practice and ritual are my anchors.
That part of life's greatest mystery are the questions.
And that practicing living those questions, rather than seeking a definite answer, gives me so much more.
I see my attempts at finding certainty, when some things will never be certain.
I meet the scared child in me, who crumbles when I finally acknowledge her.
It's in those moments of emotional release where I find space for stillness again.
And in that stillness, there's a remembrance in my body.
A remembrance of my resilience and what it feels like to be well.
To move from surviving to thriving.
It's not always there and I often get pulled back into the neural nets of stress.
But I'm practicing teaching my body another way of being.
Without bypassing or minimizing reality.
Nature's been so supportive in this process.
To sit in the forest and feel that blueprint of health in my bones and cells.
To notice it in the softening of my belly and the rhythm of my breath.
To feel it in the opening of my chest and the heightening of my senses.
They say growing the neural pathways to embody something takes at least 500 repetitions.
To which I keep showing up for.
Not perfectly, and not needing it to be perfect either.
I have a shirt that says 'abandon perfection' on it.
Because really, pursuing perfection means abandoning parts of us in some way.
I'd rather abandon the construct of perfection than myself.
But perfectionism gets sneaky sometimes.
It can show up in weird ways and when you notice you've been in it, you can bring yourself back.
And that is part of the practice.
Not being perfect at no longer being perfect.
Because when life feels uncertain, pursuing perfection can be a way we try to find a sense of certainty.
And often we don't even realize this is what's happening.
Continued 👇🏼

There's so much to explore when it comes to self-s

There's so much to explore when it comes to self-sabotaging behaviours. Even labelling them as such is interesting. To the younger parts of us they're actually SELF-PRESERVATION behaviours. They're attempts to survive what feels unsafe. What feels like it could lead to some of our deepest wounds. Wounds of abandonment and rejection.

These behaviours can look like binge eating, distracting by scrolling social media or watching tv, waiting until the last minute to complete an assignment, not saying yes to the opportunity, etc. Whatever the behaviour is, there's often a deeper reason. It's not simply laziness but more often low capacity.

We often don't have awareness of these deeper drivers to these behaviours though. We tend to just think we need to keep trying harder. And we do the same thing over and over and over again. At least this was how it went for me.

But what if we could get to know the parts of us that drive the behaviours that sabotage our adult selves, and learn to meet their needs? What if we stopped trying to use willpower to change and instead we became a container of change.

Being a container of change is something I learned in my MindBody Therapy Certification. I've experienced personally too, how this shift in relating internally naturally leads to change. It's a paradigm shift from what we've been used to. To instead contain, witness, accept and honour instead of trying to fix and control. And we do this at the level of the body, not just intellectually.

I talk about this in my new offering, RETURN, which is coming soon!

One level we can look at is the body's need for a

One level we can look at is the body's need for a certain amount of energy intake. When we drop below that (hello diets) our body will fight that because it doesn't know the difference between a famine and self-imposed restriction. So yes, you set yourself up to binge eat when you restrict, because you're body is brilliantly primed to help you survive.

Another level involves our nervous system perceiving a threat in our environment. This often has to do with relationship to other. If we perceive a threat, we won't feel safe. This creates arousal in our nervous system and we might then turn to food to regulate, because co-regulation has not been an option.

You might also be experiencing chronic traumatic stress that builds up. This can push us outside of our window of tolerance where we might get stuck in an ON or OFF state (aka hyperarousal or hypoarousal). In these states we might also turn to food either as an attempt to soothe or stimulate.

There are many layers and nuance to this. There's no quick fix or 4 step solution. Each person's journey is unique. This is why I enjoy supporting my clients with parts work, as we're approaching everything with curiosity and not assuming anything. We can learn so much about what's really going on.

I had a session this morning around some major imp

I had a session this morning around some major imposter syndrome I've been experiencing lately.
As I gently turned my attention towards my body I immediately noticed something in my throat.
At first it felt like it might be a block, but as I took my time to let it come into focus it was more like a constriction.
It was like a spasm that felt frantic and fearful.
When I acknowledged that, it was like it stopped looking around in hypervigilance and focused on me.
Still fearful.
Still constricted.
As I continued to stay with it and give it attention it eventually dropped into a heap, feeling defeated.
Defeated and helpless.
And then something else started to come through.
Grief.
I felt a moment of grief.
And then...
And then something else came in and surrounded the crumpled, defeated thing with grief.
It blocked me from feeling it.
I felt strangely calm now that this shield was in the way.
But, I still knew there was something there under the surface.
I also knew I didn't have to push through to feel it.
I trusted in my body's process and timing.
Knowing that I'll be able to stay present with that grief when I have the capacity and when I'm well resourced.
There was no judgment in that, simply trust.
Trust in the process.
Knowing I'm right where I need to be.
No need to rush, control or force, while also not avoiding.
Trusting.

It's not lost on me how much of a deeper initiation to return to self I've been experiencing, as I create a program all about that very practice. 🙏🏼💜🌌

This is why mindset work will only get us so far.

This is why mindset work will only get us so far. We can't think our way out of behaviours that are attempting to manage our physiology. This is why following a specific meal plan or diet, won't help stop binge eating. Binge eating is not a thinking problem, and the thoughts that seem to lead to a binge, are often rooted in the same physiology that leads to the behaviour.

Sometimes, the thoughts are also just symptoms.

Now I'm not saying shifting our mindset is useless. I believe there's a both/and here. Just as we can learn how to nourish and feed our bodies, we can also explore what's driving the behaviour rather than just trying to willpower our way through.

And first things first, if you're undereating that needs to be resolved first. No amount of personal development, spiritual growth or healing will counteract the impact of undereating. Diet culture has done a number on what we tend to believe is enough food, especially if we're active.

Our healing work becomes more effective when we're not malnourished either. Over the years I've really noticed a difference in how I feel, and my physical health, when I'm eating enough. I sleep better, my energy is improved, my mental capacity and memory is sharper, I feel more excited about life, my digestion is on point, etc.

Once we get to this point, we might feel good and not need to go deeper. Personally, I did go deeper and found that there were reasons other than diet culture as to why I dealt with different behaviours when it came to food and exercise.

This is what led me to learning about emotions, capacity, the autonomic nervous system, all forms of regulation, the stress response cycle, Somatics and more. Because mindset work started to become a bypass of what I was actually experiencing. It became toxic positivity that just kept me disconnected and distracted from my own humanity.

In my new offering, RETURN, I hope to help you understand this bottom up approach to behaviour change, which I've found can also change the mind. I'll share more soon. 🙏🏼🌌💜

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Is Your Breathwork Practice Actually Helping You?
What Is Parts Work?
Loneliness
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To The Wounded Sensitive Ones

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Land Acknowledgement

I gratefully live and work in Edmonton as a settler (reclaiming my Metis roots), which is located on Treaty 6, the traditional territory and meeting grounds of Metis and First Nations people including Cree, Assiniboine, Salteaux, Niitsitapi (Blackfoot), Nakota Sioux and Chipewyan.

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