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I Help Highly Sensitive Women Change Their Relationship With Food & Their Body, Through Building Emotional Intimacy & Body Sensation Literacy.

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richelle_ludwig

I help women who feel unworthy change their relationship with food & body.
Somatic Coaching
Parts Work
Weight Neutral
Trauma Informed
🌌She/Her

In my NVC training the teacher, David Weinstock, t

In my NVC training the teacher, David Weinstock, talked about how NVC emphasizes:
🌲Intrinsic compassionate motivation for actions rather than fear, guilt, blame or shame.
🌲Personal responsibility for our choices.
🌲'Power with' rather than 'power over'.
It's an interesting thing to explore how the internalization of the culture shows up in your relationship with your body, and therefore food and movement.

From the pinching of parts of our body we don't like to the literally cutting off or reshaping of parts of the body. From the pushing ourselves through exercise regimes that we don't enjoy to HPA Axis Dysfunction or injury. And all the weird things we do with food and the suppression of our hunger. All driven by a violent, rejecting inner narrative.

Deep breath here. I'm not blaming or shaming you if any of the above is true for you. We do what we know, with what we've learned. There comes a point though, when we get to choose to keep pushing through or look at what's not working. To look at the root and dismantle it. To name what you've internalized, so you can stop blaming yourself, then get to work uncovering your truth.

Building a relationship with yourself and your body, that's rooted in connection and belonging rather than dominance, will require self-awareness, honesty, and patience. The conditioning of dominance takes us away from ourselves and contributes to self-abandonment. RETURNing to self happens as we learn how to get into right relationship with all parts of us.

This is the work I do with my clients. This is how somatic parts work can support you in changing your relationship with food and your body, AND everything else. I can't wait to share my new offering, RETURN, with you. It's an online, self-paced program. I'm also running another round of ECLIPSE, my small, 6 month group program for women who want to change their relationship with food and their body. Send me a DM if you're interested in joining this round of ECLIPSE.

RETURNing to self doesn't happen through willpower

RETURNing to self doesn't happen through willpower. Swipe for more. 👆🏼

#RETURN #IAmReturning

Last year I had the realization that the parts wor

Last year I had the realization that the parts work I do with clients is about dismantling their internal hierarchy. That I've been doing that work with myself as well, with the support of coaches and therapists. You see, most often when there's some sort of internal struggle or block, what we discover is that there's something having an experience and something else having feelings about the experience. There's something labelling something else as essentially, less than.

The part that is having feelings about the experience can be trying to control how it's perceived. It can be trying to push its way through. It can be rooted in shame and/or fear. Sometimes there's something having feelings about a part that is controlling, perfectionist, reactive, etc. There are parts that label other bads as wrong or bad and right or good.

Depending on the person's social identity and how they've been conditioned into their roles, there might be a part with internalized subordination and a part with internalized dominance. I personally, have experienced both these parts within myself. Part of RETURNing to ourselves involves turning towards these parts of us. Getting into relationship with them and learning how to relate differently to them.

This is something I'm going to be digging into in my new program RETURN. We can't truly RETURN to self if we reject, avoid or minimize parts of ourselves. I'm also not into shaming us for carrying these parts. It's part of our socialization, and we have the responsibility to do this work of dismantling them for our liberation. And at the end of the day, our liberation is connected.

P.S. If you haven't listened to the Brene Brown podcast episode with Sonya Renee Taylor, do it!

Yesterday I turned 36!

I'm personally not into Ne

I have a module on cycles and phases in my group p

I have a module on cycles and phases in my group program ECLIPSE. Learning to surrender to our inner cycles, helps us trust our bodies more deeply. It helps us move out of the rigidity, control and seeking of constant sameness we've internalized from the Patriarchy.

I lost my menstrual cycle for many years because of my behaviours of over exercising and under eating in an attempt to control and manipulate my body. This is rooted in internalized dominance and is an expression of power over dynamics on the body. I was always on, and always trying harder.

Looking back, I can see how hard I tried to hold onto that control. This was also an attempt to regulate my inner state. One of the most important experiences of surrender was when I quit Crossfit, joined a yoga studio and let my body gain weight without trying to control it. I focused on tuning into my body's inner cues of health, rather than its physical appearance.

I noticed symptoms begin to improve. I started sleeping more deeply. My body temperature increased and I was no longer freezing cold all the time. My digestion improved and I stopped needing to pee every 20 minutes. Seriously, increased urgency and frequency of urination was a symptom of HPA axis dysfunction, caused by the stress of chronic undereating and over exercising. I also regained my menstrual cycle, my moods improved and I had more energy.

The menstrual cycle is just one cycle we can tune into if we have a uterus. As humans we're connected to nature, and therefore the seasons and the lunar phases. We experience our own internal seasons of winter, spring, summer and fall. Those who become pregnant are experiencing a different season in their life. When we shift careers we experience a different season.

When we experience loss, this too is a different season in our life. Our healing journey is like this as well. There may be seasons or phases of deeper exploration, more external support, more rest, more fun and play, shadow work, etc. It's never the same. It's not linear. It shifts and it changes. The practice is, can we surrender and trust so that we can flow with more ease with the cycles or seasons?
Continued ⬇️⬇️

I'm slowly transitioning back onto social media af

I'm slowly transitioning back onto social media after taking a few weeks off, which was wonderfully spacious. During that time I got to reflect on the past year. I realized something in me had been judging my experience and where I was at in my own journey. This was reiterated and experienced in a beautiful session I did with my friend @denisedimensional last week.

It's said that hindsight is 2020, and how ironic is that? 🙄 Looking back at 2020 I now see that I experienced a descent. I went deeper into my own humanity, my conditioning, my trauma and wounds. 2020 unearthed parts of me, I didn't want to see previously.

Parts of me, that if I'd seen sooner, would likely not have been able to meet them with the understanding, compassion and patience I've been able to cultivate over the past few years. I know these things emerged because it's now time in my journey to turn towards a deeper level of healing. Some of these things I've touched on the surface before, but this past year feels like it took down 3 flights of the spiral staircase.

Sometimes we might be experiencing what feels like taking steps backwards. Feeling less anchored and grounded. Feeling untethered and unsure. We might think we're losing ourselves and our way. Seeing old trauma rise. But the truth is, sometimes we're just going through a descent that's preparing us for more expansion. That's preparing us to root more deeply before we rise. To anchor more confidently into our sense of self. To humble us. To provide us with more grace, curiosity and courage to live the questions and be more okay with the unknowns.

I sense a period of integrating this descent. Healing what I encountered in that descent. I have a sense of what steps to take next. I also have no clue how things will continue to unfold, and I'm okay with that. This past year held many experiences that led to me self-abandoning, and many experiences that showed me parts of myself I'd abandoned. This past year was a series of leaving and returning.

What I do know, is that RETURNing to self is a practice and a journey. One that I've actively been in for years.
More in comments 👇🏼

I hope you know, that on the other side of this sc

I hope you know, that on the other side of this screen I'm a real human too.
A real human who also been impacted by the events of this year.
A real human who's trauma has been activated and who has experienced a hypervigilance around sharing here, because of the polarity and conflict online.
I hope you know, that on the other side of this screen I'm experiencing hard things too.
Navigating a strong avoidance strategy rooted in flight energy, and functional freeze that numbs me at times.
That pulls me away from facing that my mom has stage 4 cancer and we don't know how long she might have.
That keeps me running by taking course after course, therein taking time away from me.
Time for conversations, memories, and connection.
I hope that you know a part of me avoids deep vulnerability and intimacy too.
That creates distance between my partner and I, and can block me from feeling my heart.
That's teetered with ambivalence, until struck with the impact of his MS diagnosis this year and the potential for more loss.
That deep at my core, is an often destabilizing fear of rejection.
And so I create distance in relationship as an act of self-preservation.
I hope you know that I can project my own insecurities on others too.
That my autonomic nervous system can also access fight energy, leading me to becoming aggressive and holier than thou.
I hope you know, that I don't know everything.
That I make mistakes and act out from my trauma too.
That I can struggle with communication and expressing myself.
That fear holds me back and I minimize my own dreams and desires.
I hope that you don't put me on a pedestal.
I'm learning, healing, growing and trying to do better too.
I catch myself othering and in the process placing myself above others.
I question what's true and feel lost at times.
I hope you know that I can experience anxiety when making bids for connection with others.
That this part of me doesn't feel safe giving to others.
I hope you know that all of this can be true, AND, I can also be more connected to my body than I've ever been.
That I can have experienced the healing of Internal Family Systems therapy in gently moving me out of freeze this year.
Continued 👇🏼

The words we use to describe things are important.

The words we use to describe things are important. When we call our behaviours like binge eating, drinking, scrolling social media, compulsively exercising, etc., toxic, there's an underlying air of judgement. There's something criticizing the part of us who learned to use these behaviours to cope. There's something that almost shames the part that continues to turn to these behaviours.

We're conditioned into a culture of punishment. Somehow punishment is supposed to equal responsibility. What I've experienced is that when punishment is present, there's just more of an attempt to hide those behaviours. There's a pushing of them into the shadows.

Removing blaming ourselves, doesn't mean removing responsibility. These so called "toxic" behaviours were the best we could do, with what we knew and the support we had. When we know better, we get to do better but this doesn't mean self-punishment or criticism.

What if instead, we learned to hold the part of us that turns toward these behaviours with so much grace, compassion and understanding, while also taking responsibility to heal, grow, dismantle, shed, learn and unlearn?

What if we moved from punishment and criticism towards right relationship. Towards settling into knowing and understanding these parts of us through deep listening? What if we stopped calling these behaviours that have helped us survive, and now stop us from thriving, toxic. What if we saw them for what they truly were? Do you feel that tension easing? Do you feel that settling in your body? That's what supports right relationship, and healing.

You know when someone says something, and you feel

You know when someone says something, and you feel the truth of it in your bones? That's when happened when I heard one of my teachers, Mallorie of @gathersacred, say this. This is rampant in the personal development and spiritual communities. There's an implied hierarchy of ways of being. A great example of this is the high vibe crowd.

There's so much spiritual bypassing that happens, because of this hierarchy. I've been going into the depths of the nuance of this in a program called Inner Activism that amalgamates spirituality and social justice with a trauma informed lens. I also see this thinking rooted in either/or thinking, which comes from a physiology of fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

We just end up turning towards personal development or spirituality with the same physiology, which isn't healing friends. I did this, and it's not sustainable. I couldn't keep running from myself and pretending I felt good, when I was consistently in a state of functional freeze, fawning and flight, with the occasional fight. Shame kept me pretending for awhile, because I thought it was just me. I thought I wasn't trying hard enough to feel better.

That sounds eerily familiar to how I used to approach trying to control my body through food and exercise. You see, I was still working with that same physiology. I needed to go deeper, I needed co-regulation and I needed an environment that felt safe enough to me, so that I could begin to deepen my sense of interoception and meet all parts of me.

There couldn't be an external expectation of where I was going or how I should feel. There had to be a complete acceptance of my experience. An honouring of exactly where I was. A release to the attachment of an outcome and a cultivation of deep Presence to experience what was.

In this process I began to see my own internalized hierarchy of parts of myself. The right and the wrong. The good and the bad. I began to grow my capacity to hold the parts of me I'd learned were wrong or bad. I also noticed my capacity for difference grow in my relationships (Goodbye codependency! 👋 It's honestly not gone, but it's finally moving in that direction). I'm still sitting with these words.

Thoughts on the inner critic, resistance and inter

Thoughts on the inner critic, resistance and internalized dominance and subordination show us with our parts. Swipe for more 👆🏼

If there's been anything that's really supported m

If there's been anything that's really supported me this year in RETURNing to myself, it's been nature. I've been spending time intentionally visiting the land. Not just going for a walk in nature, but visiting with it. Sitting with it. Talking to the trees and sharing my gratitudes for their gift to this world. Thanking them for their grounding force and strength.

Being present with the air and listening to the whispers of the wind. Feeling the glimmers in my body as it carries songs to my ears. Witnessing and marveling at the moon as she goes through her phases. Experiencing my connection with my own inner tides.

Watching the sun dance its beams in mid air. Sometimes peaking through the forest and other times catching in the reflection of something shiny. I've been co-regulating with nature. Using its presence to come back to myself.

If there's something I've learned, it's that the journey is a process of RETURNing to ourselves over and over and over again. This year has been intense for many reasons, with the things happening in the world at large and on the personal level. Many things that led to me turning away from myself. Self-abandoning.

I've been RETURNing and it feels........ like home. I was going to say good or better, but realized that wasn't it. It's that I'm coming home again. And so, with that inspiration is flowing and I'm creating something for us. It's called RETURN. I can't wait to share more, but just know there are 6 other amazing women that will be joining this creation to offer up their wisdom, medicine and gifts. I hope it supports you to RETURN home to yourself too.

#IAmReturning #RETURN

There will be these moments, and it's okay. 🌌💜

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Land Acknowledgement

I gratefully live and work in Edmonton as a settler (reclaiming my Metis roots), which is located on Treaty 6, the traditional territory and meeting grounds of Metis and First Nations people including Cree, Assiniboine, Salteaux, Niitsitapi (Blackfoot), Nakota Sioux and Chipewyan.

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