The Felt Sense Of Safety
We want to be seen, yet we retreat.
We want to be heard, yet we stay quiet.
We want to be felt, yet we suppress our feelings.
We desire deeper connections, yet we stay in the shallow end.
We sense there’s more, yet we stop ourselves from exploring.
We want more stillness in our lives, yet we fill our schedule.
We want to be fully expressed, yet we wear masks.
We want to be known, yet we hide.
We want to be open, yet we reject others who aren’t like us.
We want to trust, yet we overthink and perceive others as untrustworthy.
We want to experience more play and have fun, yet we feel stuck.
We want to be in our integrity, yet we don’t show our whole selves.
We want to express our truth, yet we bite our tongue.
We desire soulful intimacy, yet we have no libido or we connect with randoms.
We want to accept our body, yet we keep turning to diets.
We want to trust ourselves, yet we keep self-abandoning.
We want to feel our emotions, yet we keep binge eating, smoking, dinking…
We want to do the think, yet we hold ourselves back.
All because we don’t feel safe.
The need for safety is at the core of our primal survival.
This need for safety wins out every time.
So be gentle with yourself when you don’t follow through with what you want.
You’re up against a very old and effective part of your nervous system.
Safety is cultivated internally and is supported by our environment.
In my experience, it’s been the marriage of inner work and relational work that has supported me in feeling safer.
As I’ve developed safety in certain relationships, I’ve gotten better at cultivating it internally.
This has led to doing things that used to feel impossible.
Things that used to make my hands shake and my voice falter.
In the process I’ve gained new evidence that I am still safe and can do the thing.
Find the people and environments that make you feel safe, and soon you’ll also feel brave.