Returning To The Chrysalis

If only someone has told me this earlier on. Maybe someone did and I wasn’t ready to hear it. Either way, I loved that quote about the caterpillar emerging from the chrysalis transformed into a butterfly. I took it to mean that I’d have one big breakthrough, transform and all would be good and merry.

I see transformation differently now. Before I was running away from myself. I didn’t like myself and wanted to become someone better. Someone more confident and likeable. Someone more capable and competent. Someone who had her shit together. I was running away from my humanity and dissociating with magical child thinking. So began my journey of spiritual bypassing.

I thought I’d emerged as the butterfly, when really I was the caterpillar in its cocoon, deep in dreaming. Then I awoke in the darkness of the cocoon. right in the middle of the shadow. My eyes opened to the truth of what was happening. I saw the nuance and depth that was lacking. And I began to meet the parts of myself I’d been running from in this dark space.

I started to understand these parts. And I began to truly accept them. As I accepted them, they began to integrate and something started to happen. Transformation. started to happen by accepting these parts. Behaviours. began to shift by meeting these parts. I began to feel differently about myself. And I emerged from the cocoon into the light as the butterfly.

The thing is, it’s a different kind of butterfly we’re dealing with here. This is not your typical butterfly. No, this butterfly visits the darkness of that cocoon as needed. That butterfly transforms over and over again. It doesn’t stay the same butterfly, but becomes more of itself with each transformation. It’s not a one and done process as the quote made me initially believe.

No it’s an ongoing journey of contraction, back into the cocoon, and then expansion, emerging transformed into a more authentic version of who the butterfly truly is. Transformation is no longer about becoming something else that’s better. It’s no longer about running. It’s about self-acceptance and self-compassion. It’s about uncovering the real, authentic self. It’s becoming more me.

With each visit to the cocoon the metamorphosis that follows is more grounded in the earth the caterpillar used to move across. There’s a shedding of what may have kept us safe at some point but no longer serves. And even though the butterfly has wings and can fly, it doesn’t leave this world. It lives in the here and now, connected to the heart. Grounded in truth.

If you too, awake in the darkness of the cocoon. You’re not alone. You’ll make through. More yourself, even if just a bit. The true transformation is slow, steady and anything but even. We can’t see the depths of transformation just by the visual of caterpillar to butterfly. Most of what happens is not visible, but palpable to you. Not drastic, but subtle. Deep change is like that. The butterfly that embraces the speed of the caterpillar builds the foundation to sustain.

Let the metamorphosis happen as many times was it needs to. Let it take as long as it needs to. Let the time in the cocoon be longer than the time in the light if it needs to be. And remember each butterfly has its own unique path. Comparison won’t serve you. Forge your own path of contractions and expansions. Because true transformation is stepping into more of who you are, not who others are.

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